I’m a hermit.

Hello, everyone. What lovely weather we’re having. Oh? What’s that? It’s cold and miserable and it’s been sleeting? Well you see, I rarely go outside these days, so I wouldn’t know.

I exaggerate of course. Actually, no I don’t. I literally pop over the road to go to class, come straight back home and procrastinate on doing the shopping for as long as conceivably possible.

It’s not a bad life, a hermit’s life. It’s a biological instinct, is it not? To curl up in your toasty cave, warm and cosy, safe from the harsh world full of bitterness, danger and disappointment.

It’s easy to be a hermit if you try. Basically, have no friends and no life, and hide under the excuse of ‘studying really hard because it’s your final year’. Which you actually are doing, because fuck, you really need a 2.1 to show for the past 4 years of floating by like a crinkly brown Autumn leaf sinking blissfully into the calm canal waters before being brutally smashed apart by the oncoming big black canal gates and cascading in tatters into the thrashing black waters below.

We are all Autumn leaves.

In other news, I became a vegetarian, started studying Thai, and have a job interview for a graduate job with a Japanese company next weekend. Go me. This is Naive in Nippon 2.0: Blog of the Rising Sun. The Wise Wasabi. The Kawaii Kareer-girl. The Tokyo Twat.

The vegetarian thing’s only been going on 3 weeks or so, but it’s going well. What happened was, I saw Stranger Things and was so disturbed by one particular image I decided I never wanted to feast on prey again. Or wear their skin. Or drink their milk. Too bad I fucking love milk and drink it by the gallon. Veganism’s the next level in my evolution. My evolution towards being a perfect, faultless being, obviously.

I started studying Thai as my elective module at university. Turns out, I’m alright at it. Ah, I love those moments when you wonder if you should have spent the past three years of uni studying something else. Haha, just kidding. No seriously what am I doing with my life.

I also started studying Freud’s theories of psychoanalysis. I already think too much as it is, spending all my time in my own company, and now I think I’m going mad and I have no idea what’s normal and what’s not normal anymore. It’s brilliant.

So yeah, Brexit happened. That was a thing.

Trump also happened. That was also a thing.

Mum’s coming over tomorrow. We’ll go watch Fantastic Beasts and she’ll invade my nest in search of a bed for the night. My room is surprisingly tidy and well-ordered for a hermit’s cave. Mess is too distracting.

As a professional hermit, it also helps to have a job on the internet, as it means you can work from home, and never have to go out ever.

It’d be really cool if my flat was made of one-way glass so that I could see everything outside, like a giant window, but they couldn’t see me. And they’ve invented solar-panel glass that’s transparent and absorbs more solar energy than the old type, so I could essentially live in a solar-glass box and not have to be outside, but it would feel like I was outside, so I wouldn’t feel so much like a hermit when I actually am.

In the Thai alphabet, which has 44 consonants (and a separate alphabet for vowels but we won’t get into that), they pair each letter with a word. Kind of like ‘A is for Apple’, ‘B is for Ballsack’, all that stuff. The 39th letter is called ‘Sor Rü-sii’ (simply read as an ‘s’ sound), which essentially means ‘hermit’.

Look at it: ษ

It looks like me curling up on my bed and never wanting to experience real life.


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